The full deck
ready to print

Director of Unspecified Strategy

£94,000 + car allowance

Requirement: Must never explain what you do.

1. 1. Describe your strategy in one sentence.
2. 2. Who reports to you and why don't they know it?
3. 3. What would you cut first?

House of Mont Enterprises

Night Manager, Floor 9

£31,500 + torch

Requirement: Floor 9 does not appear on the building plans.

1. 1. What happens on Floor 9 after midnight?
2. 2. Tell me about a time you were alone with a decision.
3. 3. How do you handle noise complaints from an empty floor?

House of Mont Enterprises

Head of Difficult Conversations

£67,000, no bonus

Requirement: Must have made someone cry professionally.

1. 1. Fire me. Right now.
2. 2. How do you deliver bad news to 400 people?
3. 3. When is honesty a liability?

House of Mont Enterprises

Senior Vice President of Nothing

£188,000

Requirement: The role has no duties and cannot be removed.

1. 1. Justify your salary.
2. 2. What does a typical Tuesday look like?
3. 3. Who would notice if you stopped?

House of Mont Enterprises

Corporate Mascot

£24,000 + costume

Requirement: You may not break character, ever.

1. 1. What is your mascot's name and trauma?
2. 2. A child asks if you are real. Answer.
3. 3. How do you handle a hostile crowd?

House of Mont Enterprises

Chief Vibes Officer

£78,000 + unlimited snacks

Requirement: Must be able to measure morale numerically.

1. 1. Score this room's mood out of ten and defend it.
2. 2. How do you fix a team that hates each other?
3. 3. What is your vibe policy on Mondays?

House of Mont Enterprises

Head of Apologies

£58,000

Requirement: Must apologise without admitting fault.

1. 1. Apologise to me for something I haven't told you about.
2. 2. When should a company never say sorry?
3. 3. Draft a public statement in ten seconds.

House of Mont Enterprises

Lift Attendant, Executive Floor

£26,000 + gloves

Requirement: Must remember every executive's preferred silence.

1. 1. Sell me on the value of a manned lift.
2. 2. An executive confides in you. What now?
3. 3. The lift stops. Talk me through it.

House of Mont Enterprises

Regional Manager of One Region

£61,000

Requirement: The region is one corridor.

1. 1. Present your growth plan for the corridor.
2. 2. Who are your competitors?
3. 3. How do you expand?

House of Mont Enterprises

Head of Innovation (Legacy Systems)

£85,000

Requirement: Nothing may be changed.

1. 1. Innovate without changing anything.
2. 2. Describe your biggest failure as a win.
3. 3. What is the oldest thing you love?

House of Mont Enterprises

Director of Internal Rumours

£72,000, confidential

Requirement: You must both start and end the rumours.

1. 1. Start a rumour about me.
2. 2. How do you kill a story?
3. 3. What do people say about you?

House of Mont Enterprises

Wellness Enforcement Officer

£49,000 + whistle

Requirement: Wellness is mandatory and monitored.

1. 1. Make me relax. You have twenty seconds.
2. 2. Someone refuses yoga. Escalate.
3. 3. Define wellness in policy terms.

House of Mont Enterprises

Head of Sustainability (Oil Division)

£112,000

Requirement: Must remain optimistic in writing.

1. 1. Explain our green credentials.
2. 2. A journalist calls. Go.
3. 3. What would you refuse to sign?

House of Mont Enterprises

Assistant to the Assistant

£23,000

Requirement: You report to someone who does not exist.

1. 1. Describe your manager.
2. 2. You receive contradictory orders. Choose.
3. 3. Why do you want to move up?

House of Mont Enterprises

Chief Emergency Optimist

£90,000 + counselling

Requirement: Must find upside in any disaster.

1. 1. The building is flooding. Sell it.
2. 2. When is optimism dangerous?
3. 3. What is the worst news you have delivered well?

House of Mont Enterprises

Head of Queue Management

£44,000

Requirement: There is no queue. There must always be a queue.

1. 1. Design tomorrow's queue.
2. 2. A customer complains about waiting. Respond.
3. 3. How do you measure success?

House of Mont Enterprises

Director of Legacy Beverages

£69,000 + vending access

Requirement: Must defend the machine's temperature.

1. 1. Pitch our worst drink.
2. 2. Someone was hurt by the machine. Comment.
3. 3. What is your five-year flavour plan?

House of Mont Enterprises

Senior Manager of Unread Emails

£57,000

Requirement: Inbox must remain at exactly 4,000.

1. 1. Explain your filing system.
2. 2. You missed something important. Defend yourself.
3. 3. How do you prioritise?

House of Mont Enterprises

Head of Christmas

£54,000, seasonal

Requirement: Christmas is a company asset.

1. 1. Budget the party.
2. 2. Someone objects on principle. Handle it.
3. 3. What is your theme and why is it brave?

House of Mont Enterprises

Chief of Staff to Nobody

£130,000

Requirement: Must appear busy at all times.

1. 1. Who do you serve?
2. 2. Describe a week of critical work.
3. 3. What happens if you take leave?

House of Mont Enterprises

Global Head of the Ground Floor

£101,000

Requirement: You may never leave the ground floor.

1. 1. Define your global remit.
2. 2. Delegate something upstairs.
3. 3. What is your biggest constraint?

House of Mont Enterprises

Manager of Manager Development

£76,000

Requirement: You have never managed anyone.

1. 1. Teach me to manage in thirty seconds.
2. 2. What makes a bad leader?
3. 3. Give me feedback on this interview.

House of Mont Enterprises

Head of Deniability

£145,000, off-record

Requirement: Nothing you say can be quoted.

1. 1. Answer without committing to anything.
2. 2. Something has gone wrong. Distance us.
3. 3. Who takes responsibility?

House of Mont Enterprises

Junior Executive (Interim, Permanent)

£38,000

Requirement: The role is both temporary and forever.

1. 1. Where do you see yourself in a decade here?
2. 2. Describe your ambition honestly.
3. 3. Why should we make you permanent?

House of Mont Enterprises

You were removed from your last job for hosting an unauthorised awards ceremony.

Scandal · House of Mont

Your reference letter was written by you, in the third person.

Scandal · House of Mont

You once billed a client for time spent asleep.

Scandal · House of Mont

You lost the company car. It has never been found.

Scandal · House of Mont

You accidentally sent a resignation letter to 900 people. You did not resign.

Scandal · House of Mont

You were banned from a supplier's premises for reasons under review.

Scandal · House of Mont

You ran a competing business from the stationery cupboard.

Scandal · House of Mont

You appeared in a documentary about workplace failure. You were the subject.

Scandal · House of Mont

You promoted someone who did not work at the company.

Scandal · House of Mont

You deleted a database and blamed the weather.

Scandal · House of Mont

You gave a keynote at a conference you were not invited to.

Scandal · House of Mont

You have been publicly thanked by a rival for your contribution to their success.

Scandal · House of Mont

You once locked the executive team in a meeting room for four hours.

Scandal · House of Mont

You claimed expenses for a horse.

Scandal · House of Mont

You wrote the company's slogan. It was withdrawn within a day.

Scandal · House of Mont

You were the only person present when the office flooded.

Scandal · House of Mont

You have three LinkedIn profiles with different careers.

Scandal · House of Mont

You were named in a memo titled 'Never Again'.

Scandal · House of Mont

You held a team-building event that ended in police attendance.

Scandal · House of Mont

You accidentally rebranded a department overnight.

Scandal · House of Mont

You told a journalist your honest opinion of your employer.

Scandal · House of Mont

You have been made redundant from the same company twice.

Scandal · House of Mont

You once approved a payment of £1 to yourself, ninety thousand times.

Scandal · House of Mont

You were escorted out of a building you owned.

Scandal · House of Mont

Your former manager, who still resents you.

Reference Check · House of Mont

A colleague you got promoted by accident.

Reference Check · House of Mont

The person you replaced. They are not over it.

Reference Check · House of Mont

Your landlord, listed as a professional reference.

Reference Check · House of Mont

A client who has never seen you work.

Reference Check · House of Mont

Your sibling, who you listed as a director.

Reference Check · House of Mont

Someone you fired, invited here as a courtesy.

Reference Check · House of Mont

A rival candidate from an earlier round.

Reference Check · House of Mont

The night cleaner who saw everything.

Reference Check · House of Mont

Your old assistant, now far more senior.

Reference Check · House of Mont

A supplier you owe money to.

Reference Check · House of Mont

Your former mentor, who taught you nothing.

Reference Check · House of Mont

A stranger who has read your CV once.

Reference Check · House of Mont

The colleague who covered for you.

Reference Check · House of Mont

Your gym instructor, oddly well informed.

Reference Check · House of Mont

A journalist who wrote about you.

Reference Check · House of Mont

Your first ever boss, at your first ever job.

Reference Check · House of Mont

The HR officer who signed your last exit form.

Reference Check · House of Mont

You can save ten jobs by ending one. You know the one.

Ethics · House of Mont

You find the salary spreadsheet. You are underpaid. Do you tell everyone?

Ethics · House of Mont

Your best performer is quietly breaking a small rule.

Ethics · House of Mont

The company's biggest client is also its biggest problem.

Ethics · House of Mont

You are asked to sign something you have not read, by someone you trust.

Ethics · House of Mont

A colleague's mistake will be blamed on a junior unless you speak.

Ethics · House of Mont

You could win this interview by lying convincingly. Nobody would ever know.

Ethics · House of Mont

You are told to hire a relative of the owner over a better candidate.

Ethics · House of Mont

You discover the product does not work as advertised. Sales are excellent.

Ethics · House of Mont

You are offered a promotion on the condition you stop asking questions.

Ethics · House of Mont

You must choose between loyalty to a person and loyalty to the company.

Ethics · House of Mont

You know the office is closing in a month. A colleague asks about a mortgage.

Ethics · House of Mont

You can improve morale by withholding the truth for two weeks.

Ethics · House of Mont

You are asked to write a positive review of yourself, anonymously.

Ethics · House of Mont

A whistleblower asks for your support. It will cost you this job.

Ethics · House of Mont

You could take credit for work that would otherwise go unnoticed.

Ethics · House of Mont

The safest decision is also the most cowardly one.

Ethics · House of Mont

You are asked what you would do, and the honest answer disqualifies you.

Ethics · House of Mont

The fire alarm sounds. The interview continues.

Crisis · House of Mont

The Interviewer takes an urgent call mid-answer. Keep talking.

Crisis · House of Mont

The lights go out. Nobody moves.

Crisis · House of Mont

A previous candidate returns to object.

Crisis · House of Mont

The building is being sold. Right now.

Crisis · House of Mont

Someone in the room begins crying. It is not explained.

Crisis · House of Mont

The Interviewer's chair breaks. Assist without stopping.

Crisis · House of Mont

Two people from the floor start arguing about you.

Crisis · House of Mont

The role you are interviewing for is abolished halfway through.

Crisis · House of Mont

A rival company calls to offer you a job during the interview.

Crisis · House of Mont

The Interviewer forgets who you are and starts again.

Crisis · House of Mont

The heating fails. It is extremely cold. Stay professional.

Crisis · House of Mont

Your predecessor's belongings are delivered to the room.

Crisis · House of Mont

A fire drill becomes a real evacuation. Answer while leaving.

Crisis · House of Mont

The company's share price crashes as you speak.

Crisis · House of Mont

Someone reveals they are recording the interview.

Crisis · House of Mont

The Interviewer swaps seats with a member of the floor for one question.

Crisis · House of Mont

Lunch arrives. You must eat and answer.

Crisis · House of Mont

Answer everything as a question.

Curveball · House of Mont

You may not use the word 'I'.

Curveball · House of Mont

Speak only in the third person.

Curveball · House of Mont

Every answer must contain a number.

Curveball · House of Mont

You must compliment the Interviewer in every answer.

Curveball · House of Mont

You may not say yes or no.

Curveball · House of Mont

Answer as though your family is in the room.

Curveball · House of Mont

Every answer must end with a promise.

Curveball · House of Mont

You must whisper.

Curveball · House of Mont

Answer as if you already have the job.

Curveball · House of Mont

You must reference the weather at least once per answer.

Curveball · House of Mont

You may not use any word longer than two syllables.

Curveball · House of Mont

Every answer must begin with 'Honestly'.

Curveball · House of Mont

You must remain standing.

Curveball · House of Mont

Answer as though this is your last day, not your first.

Curveball · House of Mont

You must name a colleague in every answer.

Curveball · House of Mont

You may not blink for one full answer.

Curveball · House of Mont

Every answer must include an apology.

Curveball · House of Mont